Family Vacation. Scary.

Want to see Oliver shiver with fear? All you have to do is say...FAMILY VACATION. It all started when I decided to get Oliver pumped for our trip.

ME: Are you ready for...FAMILY VACATION??

Oliver: Claps hands, nods yes with a big smile.

ME: Hey Oliver...we are going to the BEACH for FAMILY VACATION!!!

Are you excited???

Oliver: Claps hands, nods yes with a big smile.

As soon as we arrived to Monterey, I got Oliver dressed for the beach. The first thing we did at the beach was show him the Ocean. As we approached it...he clung tighter and turned his head away from it.

ME: Oliver, don't you like the Ocean?

Oliver: Shakes his head NO!

ME: Oliver, don't you like the beach?

Oliver: Shakes his head NO!

Even though we brought his shovel & pail (and practiced digging in dirt at home for weeks), he would not sit in the sand and play. He would not make a sand castle. He held on to us as tight as he could and cried if we tried to put him down in the sand. Sand touched his toe and he was horrified!

When I tried to get him pumped for the Aquarium...he looked untrusting of my enthusiasm. Now whenever I asked him if he was having fun on family vacation, he would just shudder and shake his head NO!

Me: Oliver do you like the Aquarium?

Oliver: Shakes his head NO.

We had a lovely dinner in Monterey. I surprised Jon and wore a dress he sewed for me in 1997!

Jon also booked us a theme room at the The Madonna Inn. We got "The Old Mill." It was gaudy and dated and absolutely PERFECT! Pictures don't do it justice. The entire hotel was cotton candy pink. The gift shop, restaurants & bar were pink.

There is a working water mill fountain on the wall & animatronic mill people above our bed.

Oh, and the toilet seat was heated!

Oliver & I standing in front of our Old Mill mural.

Me: Oliver, do you like staying at the Madonna Inn on family vacation?

Oliver: Shudders, and shakes his head NO.

It's sad the only picture of us together in our room is blurry. I still can't believe we've been married for 10 years. Where does the time go?

The room came with two pink robes. I fantasied I would get a picture of each of us in our robe. Jon did not help me fulfill this fantasy.

People just don't decorate their gardens with lesbian-threesome sculpture anymore!

Jon booked an hour and a half tour of Hearst Castle.

Oliver did really good the first 50 minutes.

Then the tour guide "suggested" that we take him to the children's play room to help him "get the ants out of his pants". She clearly did not understand that the ants have made his pants their PERMANENT RESIDENCE. I was so bummed, but then a man from another tour got really sick, and they kicked Jon & Oliver out of the playroom to accommodate him. Yay for sick people! So, we did get to finish the tour together. We had a great time.

Me: Oliver, what did you think of the Hearst Castle?

Oliver: Shudders.

Me: Oliver did you like our family vacation?

Oliver: Shakes his head NO and trembles in fear.

Ok...I'm going to HELL

Oliver and I have a lovely morning ritual.

Around 7 a.m. I get him from his crib and we lay in my bed for about 15 minutes playing with the iphone. Then we get up and he "helps" me get ready for work. As I dress, he climbs around in my closet pulling dresses and other items down to the floor, so I can see all my wardrobe options.

Then around 7:25 a.m. we brush our teeth together. By the time we are done, it's 7:30 and I still need to feed him breakfast, do my hair, put on make up etc. etc. etc. Some days Jon is very helpful and takes Oliver to his highchair and starts Oliver's breakfast while I get ready,

but on most days I'm trying to get ready for work with a child underfoot.

While I'm trying to apply eye liner...he is trying to get under the sink...into the toilet, or into the toilet paper.

While I'm doing my hair, he is trying to unplug my curling iron, or sometimes I loose him, only to find him in the shower splashing the little puddles with his hands.

But there is one defense....

Oliver has a few fears in the world:

The vacuum and my hair dryer w/ diffuser attachment.

I know I will probably burn in hell for using this fear tactic on my child...but when that blow dryer is placed in the doorway of the bathroom, INSTANT CHILD REPELLENT. Of course I need to make sure I'm finished diffusing my hair.

Notice my wavy short hair, another practical use of the diffuser.

Surprise!

I'm not sure what was more surprising to Oliver...the discovery of a lost sippy cup behind a piece of furniture....

or the taste of the sippy cup's "chunky" contents....POOR BABY...you should have seen his little face: (

Go Fish!

Note to self:
Don't walk away from a hungry baby who's within reach of a table with food (specifically Goldfish Crackers).

Reminds me of the saying: Give a babe a fish, he'll eat for a day...

but teach a babe to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.

Lost & Found...

You never realize how much you appreciate the remote control till it goes missing for over 24 hours. We tore the house apart, looked in all the usual places but could not find it. Luckily I decided to wear my boots to work. Mystery solved. I also found a binki in the toe of the boot. It had been missing for a while. Speaking of binkis...

Yesterday Jon was working in the back yard and found Oliver's missing green binki in our flower bed. I was glad we found it instead of Oliver, considering the fact that there was probably SNAIL POISON All OVER IT.

This is the macaroni I found in my hair. I discovered it after I had returned home from work. I was sporting it all day. Then I remembered that I had given Oliver macaroni & cheese the day BEFORE. This means I was actually wearing macaroni for TWO DAYS. Awesome.

No More Cry Baby!

This would have been Oliver if we hadn't fixed his leaking right eye.

Oliver had Surgery on his right tear duct this week. He had very goopy eyes as an infant, and we were told it would clear up by age 1. Well, he is now almost 18 months, and still had one goopy eye. We wiped tears away from this eye constantly. The doctors said that a minor surgery was needed to PROBE the tear duct for blockage and possibly put in a very small stent to keep the duct open. No BIGGIE...just a doctor taking my baby, putting him to sleep, than sticking something in his EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oliver had to fast at least 6 hours before the surgery. His was doing fine till they made us wait an EXTRA 2 HOURs in pre-op. 8 Hours No Food, No nap...we struggled to keep him still and quite.

He fought the nurse trying to take his blood pressure, and he tried to take off his ID bracelet they placed on his ankle. Maybe I should send the nursing staff a formal letter of apology...NO!....they are the one's that kept this tiny guy waiting for hours till he was CRAZY. They should send Oliver a letter of apology.

Dear YOU TUBE, I love you. I really, really do. I would marry you if I wasn't already married.

We watched every Yo Gabba Gabba & Sesame Street Video posted on You Tube while we waited.

They finally gave him some drugs to put him in a calm state for the Anesthesiologist.

Notice he is laying down. This was only possible because the "calming drugs" they gave him started to kick in. Here you see him spacing out looking at the GROOVY stethoscope. Also you might notice the marker above his eye. I'm very glad they marked the eye they were planning to work on. I would hate for them to probe the wrong tear duct. The surgery went great, but post-op we had a hysterical, unconsolable baby coming out of anesthesia. He was ok, just confused, starving, tired and REALLY PISSED! Took him a while to snap out of it.

Once he settled down, we were able to give him a bottle, some food, and a bath and he drifted off to sleep. No more CRY BABY, just a brave little boy with a permanent marker tattoo on his face.

Mmm-Mmm Good!

We used to think it was so cute to hear Oliver go "Mmmm" as he ate his meal. Now whenever we hear it I go into PANIC mode and run to his side to see what he is putting in his mouth. He says "Mmmm" when he eats old food off the floor, he says "Mmmm" when he eats dirt at the park etc. Clearly he does not understand the meaning of "Mmmm."

Oliver decides to "enhance" his ravioli with whatever he finds on his tray.

He carefully stirs in the yogurt melts, animal crackers and pretzels...

He would not eat the ravioli till this enhancement, to which he responded "Mmmm." Is it ok to call my son a FREAK?